after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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