at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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