my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
