We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
