Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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