'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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