I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
