Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize