I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
this is an emotional support booty call
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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