i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
This is the high leading the old right now
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
