its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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