is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I need a burrito and a hug.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize