i just made my gag reflex go away.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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