i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
