All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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