the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize