Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
