Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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