I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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