wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
