So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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