im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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