Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
People in love make me want to vomit
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Randomize
