He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
