There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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