They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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