how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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