I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
