I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
