Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
