He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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