I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
