what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
