forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
