uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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