What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
