tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
