Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
