Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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