i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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