i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
