Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Randomize
