Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I need water and some morals
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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