Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
