I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
