I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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