I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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