the new term for farting is butt boxing.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
