where am i from again
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
