I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
