Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
That's intense
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
