Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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