wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
