i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
