I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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