why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
