I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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