I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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