I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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