Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
