just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
