The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Oh god it's open bar.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize