tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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