i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
