I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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