im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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